A Boy Scout in the Balkans

So my detour to the Balkans is coming to an end and as I sit here on my balcony sipping a final espresso and being distracted by the fabulous views of the harbour of Gruz, where boats quietly amble into port, I’m compelled to compile my list of the best travel experiences from this trip. One of the big things I’ve learnt is that Sept/ Oct is the best time to visit Dubrovnik as it’s the end of high season and you easily beat the summer crowds and still have access to all of the tours etc.

But first the stats:

Eurovision Countries visited – Germany, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia I Herzegovina, Montenegro.

Words that kept me occupied – Partick Ness’ The Knife of Never Letting Go, Charlie Higson’s The Enemy, Carlos Ruiz Zafon’s Shadow of the Wind and Erick Setiawan’s Of Bees and Mist.

Lonely Planet Guidebooks used - Lonely Planet Munich, Bavaria and the Black Forest, Lonely Planet Slovenia, Lonely Planet Western Balkans. Will be recommending that Western Balkan’s includes Slovenia in future guides (be having a word to Marg in the UK office).

Soundtrack - Little Boots, La Roux, Cascada, Duffy, Natalie Imbruglia, Marit Larsen + endless Eurovision mega mixes (big repeats of Iceland 09 Yohanna’s Is it True?, Ukraine 08 Ani Lorak’s Shady Lady, Switzerland 08 Paolo Meneguzzi’s Era Stupendo, Israel 09 Noa & Mira Awad’s There Must be Another Way, Estonia 09 Urban Symphony’s Randajad and Armenia 09 Kejsi Tola’s Carry Me in Your Dreams.

Top 5 Highlights

#1: Dubrovnik’s Old City, Croatia.

Whether it’s in the baking hot sun or under the cover of the cool clear night Dubrovnik’s Old City is something very special. This ancient Roman fortification is the most breathtaking sight and once on the walls and looking down into the labyrinth of olive and lime tree laden alley ways you realise that all the clichés are about this place are true.

#2: The Bay of Kotor, Montenegro.

Brilliant day trip from Dubrovnik made all the more special with a small tour provider. Highlights included the faded glory of the tiny town of Perast with its forbidden graveyard island, a step back in time to the Istrian glory of Kotor’s Old City and the climb to the top of city wall and the beautiful little island of Sveti Stefan.

#3: Ljubljana, Slovenia.

A gem of a city - a rejuvenated old town with square after square of shops and cafes matched only by the sprawling food and flower market at the base of the Ljubljana castle.

#4: Pocitelj, Bosnia I Herzegovina.

This Stone Town is a step back into the days of Ottoman glory. Gypsy women sell paper funnels of dried apricots and figs at the entrance to the town. The massive fort at the top of the town gives an incredible view of the towns Mosque from above.

# 5: Bled, Slovenia.

Gothic and glorious this town is special and it’s only 1hr 15min bus ride from Ljubljana. I will treasure that I was being the only traveller that rainy day to take the gondola across the lake to the tiny island to ring the Wishing Bell. Eurovision’s Australian telehost here I come! Watch out SBS.

Other unexpected highlights included the spectacular train ride through the Alps, the moving bus ride from Zagreb to Dubrovnik where you see first hand the devastation of the recent war, the staff at the Berkeley Hotel in Dubrovnik whose generosity still flaws me and leaping from the rocks on a beach on Lokrum Island into the cool Adriatic Sea.

Top 5 odd TV experiences

1. Germany’s Yes I Can Dance – fat and faded German celebrities doing Rock Eisteddfod style dance montage’s with viewers voting out the worst each week. Weird yet compelling.
2. CSI Miami in German – Horatio is scarier in German
3. CSI Miami in Slovenian – Horatio is even scarier in Slovenian
4. CSI Miami in Croatian – proves that Horatio is scary in any language
5. The Monk character in the multi-repeated Croatian Soap Opera – any show with a Monk as a character is OK by me.

Top 5 Frustrations

1. Schloss Nymphenburg, Munich closing at 4pm on weekdays….grrr
2. Munich being closed on a Sunday – particularly with no chemists in sight
3. Hotel Arcotel Allegra in Zagreb unable to accommodate breakfast prior to 6:30 due to a 7am departure
4. Gypsies – bloody annoying
5. Being left behind by tour operator for tour of Mostar, Bosnia I Herzegovina.

Would I come back?

Dubrovnik, Croatia – in an instant – there’s so much more to see here that I’ll need to do next time. The Hamptons of Croatia - Cavtat, Brac Island, Hvar Island, Elaphite Islands, Korcula Island, Trsteno Gardens, Mljet Island with its spooky Monastery, Split, The Istrian peninsula.

Slovenia – I’m disappointed I did not get to Piran and Ptuj but they’ll remain on my wish list.

Munich & Zagreb – probably not

The Kitties of Kotor

My last full day of holidaying has come so quickly and the end to my Balkan adventure looms but with one last day trip booked I was off to Montenegro. After an early collection from my hotel (7:45am) Nic, our guide, informed me that we were only a small group of 4 today. I was soon joined by Britt and Sarah, North American teachers currently working at the International School in Brussels, and Wendy, a Hong Kong business woman. With the group assembled we were on our way. Nic turned out to be an excellent guide (driver & guide in one) who gave us a potted history of Montenegro and its relationship with Croatia.

The Montenegro tour takes in 3 basic elements – a ride around the incredible Bay of Kotor, a stop in the city of Kotor with a tour of its old city and a late lunch in the seaside playground of Budva (with a quick tour of its old city). Coming via Croatia the road to the Bay of Kotor winds like a twisted liquorice ribbon around the Cypres lined hills. Towns dot the base of each hill, all active with boats and fishermen going about their trade. My favourite stop was a little town called Perast, a town that dates back to the 15th century, dominated by the 50+ foot steeple of St Nickolas’s Church. The reason I fell in love with this rich nautical town was due to the two little islands just off of the shore. St George’s Island contains an abandoned Monastery guarding the graves of long passed nobility shaded by the cool of tall cypress trees. The island is off limits to tourists and locals; a permanent and solitary graveyard. Just next to St George’s Island is the man made Lady of the Rock Island that contains an active church (boats ferry to the island every weekend for service). The notion of rowing to Church struck me as a romantic and truly Adriatic one.

On arrival in Kotor I was immediately struck by the glamour, wealth and power of this ancient city. This is Montenegro at it’s finest (some shots from Kotor were used in Casino Royale). Kotor’s Old City is guarded by a 4.3km wall that snakes up the mountain and draws resemblance to China’s Great Wall. The UNESCO listed Kotor Old City is an intricate labyrinth of marbled streets dominated by the beautiful people sipping their espresso in the populated squares. Cats sun themselves on the doorsteps of ancient Churches hoping for a scrap of pastry from one of the local patisserie, being gobbled by the members of the tour-groups milling around the sights. After a quick climb to the Church that sits atop one of the hills overlooking Kotor it was time for some souvenir shopping…it was then that we chanced upon an American film crew shooting a scene for the horror film Road Kill in one of the cool little cafes. (unfortunately they did not require any Australian extras…doh!).

With Kotor left behind it was onto Sveti Stefan, a tiny island crammed with terracotta roofed houses. This playground for the rich and famous is connected by the tinniest of isthmuses and has been a holiday spot for the wealthy since the 15th Century. It was with dismay that we were informed that Sveti Stefan has been leased for 30 years to a Singaporean hotel company and is currently under renovation and inaccessible. Oh well – photos from afar will have to do. The bonus was a glimpse at Tito’s old holiday house in the cove next to Sveti Stefan.

Last stop on the tour was the touristy Budva – basically a little beach and boat town with a cute little old city. All four of us sat with our guide Nic and ate an excellent lunch right on the pebbled beach with more cats milling at our feet. I tried the local dish of a seared pork steak stuffed with local cheese and prosciutto accompanied by my new favourite dish, a cucumber salad. Washed down with the local Pivo (beer) this was a perfect way to finish the tour of Montenegro. A quick look in Budva’s Citadel and we were back on our way to Dubrovnik via a cute little ferry ride across the bay of Kotor itself.

Farewelling my new friends from Brussels I was greeted with the most amazing sunset – a rich red, like the pomegranate fruit - a sensational and fitting final sunset for this Balkan adventure.

Eurovision Rating: Crazy solo female singer in a ridiculously large dress single a Europop track with lyrics like “la la la” and “dum de de dum”. Costume reveal and glamorous backing dancers see this entry qualify to the final and place just inside the Top 15.

By Skoda to Bosnia

This is a story of two parts…and two false starts. Firstly on Monday, I was all prepared for my tour to Montenegro, but was left abandoned by my tour company. When my tour bus did not arrive at the designated arrival point and the operators telephone number being constantly engaged it quickly emerged that this tour operator had shut up shop for the off-season. Fortunately for me I had not paid for this tour so at least I was not out of pocket. The awesome staff at my hotel (Berkeley Hotel) arranged for another tour group to facilitate my journeys to both Montenegro and Mostar, Bosnia the following days.

So a quick itinerary flip was required – where I brought forward my day of relaxation on Lokrum Island off of Dubrovnik’s Old City. Grabbing the 10am ferry I was sunning myself on a rocky beach by 10:30am. I even braved the water at one point, leaping from the rocks into the crystal clear yet bracing Adriatic water for the briefest of swims. With peacocks milling around the beach in search of food scraps the day disappeared.

So…my 2nd attempt to visit Mostar, Bosnia started the same as the day prior where I repeated the ritual from the following morning. I rose early and descended to breakfast (first like yesterday) hoping to ensure that I was at the designated pick-up point well ahead of time. And that I was. But as time ticked by and no hint of a tour bus could be seen I realised that this was my 2nd false start. Calling and calling the tour company only to be greeted with the fax machine I got to a point where I thought “Oh Well – this is not supposed to happen”. But finally at 9am (arranged pick-up was 8:30am) the phone was answered by the tour company but the response was less than stellar…”you were not confirmed as a pick up today”. Mmmm – I’m confident my Hotel had confirmed my place twice the day prior. So, back I trudge to my Hotel where I was greeted by 4 Hotel staff waving their hands in the air in disbelief. It was then that something amazing happened. Sometimes, when you’re travelling you have some ordinary and even awful experiences – where you’re ripped off, harassed or fall ill. However, other moments sometimes come along where you receive unexpected kindness. Nic, the Hotel Proprieter Katrina’s, Father announced confidently that he would drive me to the bus (now at least an hour away). And before I knew it, after several quick and very assertive phone calls, I was in the passenger seat of Nic’s Skoda and on my way to Bosnia.

The tour company had reached a small coastal town call Neum, I’d passed through here on the bus on the way through so knew roughly where it was, and the tour was going to wait for me to arrive before departing on to Mostar. What followed was 20 minutes of the most hair-raising fast driving I have ever been involved in. 130kmph the Skoda went around the coastal cliffs of Croatia…at one point I actually thought that “this is it…this is where I die”. But no, Nic gets me to Neum and the bus is waiting for me. All aboard to Mostar. Thanks to Nic , a super fast Skoda and some awesome Hotel staff.

This tour primarily took me into the Herzegovian section of Bosnia and Herzegovina adopting the main road to Sarajevo but stopping only as far as Mostar, the economic heart of Herzegovina. The first stop for me on this tour (not for everyone else) was the small stone town of Pocitelj located on the banks of the river Neretva. This town has records that date back to 1444 and the main tower Gavrankapetanovic Tower, which I was the only one of our group to climb, is a striking and ominous fortress post that looks across the town and surrounding valleys. The town itself was bombed during the conflict of the early Nineties but now somewhat restored. Women sell funnels of dried apricots, figs and pomegranate stalks at the entry to the town desperate for any Euro they can get a small indication of the desperation to come.

I’m struck by the fact that the recent War has left only recently healed wounds. All the town signs, which also feature the Cyrillic spellings, have the Cyrillic spellings blanked out; a silent statement to Serbia that all is not forgotten.

When we hit the outskirts of Mostar it becomes very evident that this is a region still in crisis. Garbage and ruins litter the outskirts of this economic hub highlighting that struggle is an everyday realism for most Bosnians. Once in Mostar’s Old Town you cannot help but be moved, particularly at the photographic exhibition that chronicles the devastation this city experienced in the conflict for Independence 20+ years ago. One of the most poignant photographs is a stark black and white depiction of the destruction of the Old Bridge (standing since the 16th Century); a pointless example of the ridiculous nature of war. Re-opened in 2004 the bridge was rebuilt in the same style using a combination of blocks from the river below and others mined from the original source of the bricks from the Herzegovian hills. The former Ottoman Empire old city is now UNESCO heritage listed.




I leave Mostar profoundly moved by a people still suffering from a war that ended 20 years ago.

Eurovision Rating: Passionate 5 person group singing an anthem-like entry in their local language. A splattering of colour and some interesting choreography see this entry making the final but finishing outside the Top 15.

Tomorrow: Montenegro

Pomegranates, Gekkos and Butterflies.

How do I start this without getting too over-dramatic? Well, Dubrovnik might just be the loveliest place I have ever visited. Ever! I’m staying in Gruz which is docking-side of the harbour and from my room I have a spectacular view of the harbour, surrounding hills and the dramatic houses that speckle them. I’m on the top floor of a small apartment complex (Berkeley Hotel) and the room is perfect – a small kitchen, huge King size bed, balcony with setting and a great little bathroom. This all bodes well for my 5 night stay here. After a night of icing my leg I chance a walk into the city – on foot is the only way to see a place – and I set out early for the Old City that I’ve heard so much about.

On my amble through the streets I’m just in awe of this place. Where a house has fallen into disrepair instead of weeds springing up and taking root these ruins are covered in flowering Bougainvillea, Plumbago, Limes, Mandarin and Salvia all in bloom. This place is magic. Marbled staircases lead up and down to who knows where…a 1000 different places. Huge ornate iron gates hang awkwardly on their hinges, painted shutters sit lopsided on the exterior of houses, Pomegranate trees too laden with fruit are painfully bowed, shattered fruit at their bases…it’s all off centre but it’s perfect.

And then I see…Dubrovnik Old Town. After descending 1032 marbled steps I’m finally standing in front of Pile Gate (mind you with 3 cruise liners full of visiting tourists) and looking at the walls of the Old City. Without blinking I’m through the gates and off to the ticket desk to get on the Old City Wall Walk to see as much as I can. Once ascended to the rim of the City Wall I’m finally able to drink in all of this ancient Cities Roman splendour. Terracotta roofs slant this way and that. Streets go up and down for an eternity, cats sun themselves on window sills or in barely frequented courtyards, gekko’s scurry down baking hot walls and butterflies mill around lime and olive trees. This place is magic.

Eurovision Rating: Solo Female singer standing alone – no backing dancers, no gimmicks. Dangerous move – the song has to do the talking. Powerful ballad with a killer key change and enough passion and umph to get the crowd frenzied. Qualifies for final. Finishes Top 3.

Tomorrow: Lokrum Island, Dubrovnik, Croatia.

Detour via Sveti Coc

The start of today was not great – courtesy of torrential rain, a hotel where breakfast started at 6:30 (but I had to be at the bus station at 7am) and a ridiculous communication error regarding “paid” and “to pay”. Not to mention that my base of my leg has doubled in size. Thanks to some kind responses to whinge texts (Rich and Mum) I boarded the bus from Zagreb to Dubrovnik. 11 hours of solid bus trip…with no breakfast. After the quickest of Espresso’s and a Berry muffin my Croatiabus experience commenced in sleeting rain.

After a shortwhile I noticed a marked change in the landscape as we went from thickets of autumnal coloured forests into a rockier terrain market by low lying shrubs. About 3 hours out of Zagreb we were detoured off of Highway 1 onto a side road (due to some works on that section) via the township of Sveti Coc. This was a profound detour. The bus hurtled through the small streets like it was trying to escape an oncoming army but I could not escape the scarred landscape. I was struck by one town in particular where a Church had been burnt to the ground, its steeple missing replaced by a huge trunk of a fallen tree, opposite the rubble of what would have been thirty homes and next to it a dilapidated building marked with two letters UN. I cannot fathom what this place experienced. This is a country still very much recovering. As the bus moved from town to town the same scenario repeated abandoned farmhouses, ruins, desolation, destruction and then an apartment building with someone’s washing hanging from the 8th story.

Finally we arrive in Split for a half hour refreshment stop and a chance to use the toilet (horray!).

Tip # 1: The 11 hour bus ride will have about 4 stops – ensure you use the toilet at every opportunity

Once on the way to Dubrovnik the scenery transforms again as the bus winds the coast road. I’m so close to the Adriatic that I could almost reach out and touch. The water is ridiculously clear and even from the bus I can see the rocks at the bottom of the water. After 3 hours of winding road passing countless resortish towns that announce Pension or Apartmen we head inland for a final stop before Dubrovnik.

Fortunately my apartment, at Berkeley Hotel, is only a short walk from the bus terminal and the kind receptionist there provided me some ice for my leg. I’m on the 4th floor with a direct view of Dubrovnik Harbour (with a couple of Cruise Liners in town). My small balcony gives an excellent view…I can’t wait for the morning.

Tomorrow: Dubrovnik Old Town.

The 8:15 to Zagreb

After an early start I bid farwell to Ljubljana and the lovely Slovenian people and boarded the 8:15 to Zagreb.

Hint #1: Ask if the cabin you're about to climb in is First Class (particularly if you have a 2nd class ticket). Doh!

Although the rain had abated the mist had transformed into a thick fog making the train journey somewhat ho-hum as the view was somewhat masked...damn you Mother Nature!

By 11am I'd arrived in Zagreb, Croatia - after a very strange border crossing where the Slovenian police decided that I looked dodgy and needed to have my passport check for outstanding interpol. 007 eat your heart out.

After a quick check in and early access to the room - thank you Hotel Acrotel Allegra - I hightailed it to the bus depot to purchase my fare to Dubrovnik. Ticket purchased and about to leave I encounter yet another GYPSY...bloody Nora! Another one? Apparently this one wanted money for an operation on her...colon? (was not sure where she was pointing). This gypsy was a sneaky one as she'd prepared a laminated print out in several languages to explain her plight. Mmmm - she obviously wasted some of that Doctor's fee on printing and laminating. So NO gypsy you will not have my Kuna.

Hint # 2: Dumb Australians confuse the Gypsies.

So I adopted my thickest Australian accent and say very loudly "Sorry love, I don't know what you want and I don't speak your language". She grips my hand rabbiting on about "operatzion" and I repeat "Sorry sweetie - not sure what you want - good luck...seeya". And off I stride out of the bus terminal - gypsy 2 vaniquished. She's probably dead poor luv - the laminating really did not help.

I quickly made my way into the city itself, as the weather was holding, and the reason for stopping in Zagreb (not only as a through-point to Dubrovnik) was to visit Mirogoj Cemetery (arguably the most beautiful Cemetery in all of Europe). After jumping on Bus 106 I arrived at the Wall that heralded the cemetery and had another jaw drop moment. This place is impossibly beautiful. It's a little bit broken, a little bit sad and slightly overgrown but stunning in it's simplicity. And it's weird - even though this is suppose to be a place of the dead I've never seen so much life - so many people tending the graves of their loved ones, people remembering, celebrating and including the dead in their lives. Truly an inspirational place. I hope some of my pictures do it justice.

Hint # 3: Bus 106 leaves from outside the main Cathedral next to the big Fruit market - not hard to miss.

Zagreb is an intersting city - a little bit grubby around the edges, especially when compared to the manicured Ljubljana, it's very unpretentious. Zagreb is take me or leave me "I don't care" whatever you want. It has areas of stunning beauty next to rubbled ruins and piles of trash. It's a city not hung up on aesthetics but one which definitely has a pulse.

As a treat I went into a local Zagreb barber who gave me very traditional head shave - clippers, shaving cream, big scary razor and some industrial strength after shave slapped all over. At times it was a little too close to Sweeney Todd for my liking. But what a hoot! I think they were laughing at me as much as I was at them...well that's Zagreb!

Eurovision Rating: Hardcore Rock Chick screaming an angsty, guitar heavy tune in thick Croatian. Wild costume, hair and some pyrotechnics see her qualify from the semi's (just). Finishes outside the Top 15.

Next Stop: Dubrovnik (after a 11 hour bus ride - eek!)

Do Slovenian Ducks Speak Slovene?

When I arose this morning I knew that today was going to be tough. The skies were bleak and the rain was tumbling in torrents from the thick black clouds. Doh! This was my allocated day for the picturesque Bled. Oh Well!

So off I went to the Bus Station and purchased my ticket to Bled (about an 1.15 from Ljubljana and 6.30 Euro).

Quick Tip 1: Bus Station is next to the Train Station and very easy to use.

As the bus meandered through the Slovenian countryside I was struck by the beauty of the day. The mist clung to the trees as if it had been snagged by bare spidery branches. OK - today was going to be good.

On my arrival in Bled the rain appeared to have gotten worse. Thank heavens for that Umbrealla. Once off the bus I hightailed it downhill toward the lake and when the castle came into view I actually gasped outloud. I was the only one on the street, in the torrential rain, staring open-mouthed at Lake Bled and its Castle.

The Castle sits atop a 300 metre high cliff that lourdes over the Lake like a Master. It's very grand, very cool and everything you'd expect a Medieval Castle to be. It's then that you see the tear-shaped island in the middle of the lake (apparently Slovenia's only Island) with it's solitary Church and have another "clutch the pearls" moment.

Quick Tip 2: Always pack a collapsable umbrella

After a quick pitstop at the Info centre I boarded the Gondola to the island (the only person on that passage...a little bit "Don't Pay the Ferryman"). The lake itself is exquisite, the boat glided effortlessly across the water and appeared as if it was sliding on glass. No current disturbed the mineral green water which was made even more errily beautiful as raindrops erupted the waters surface accompanied by the softest of patters.

Once on the island itself I climbed the ancient steps to the Church of St Mary determine to ring the Wishing Bell (good title for a book). And did I give that Bell a yank! It's not every day you get to ring the Church Bells (on an Island in Slovenia no less). Legend has it that the original Bell was made the widow Polyxena von Kreigh in memory of her murdered Husband. Unfortunately the Bell was lost to the waters of Lake Bled as on it's journey to the island a tempest arose sinking the boat containing the Bell. Lovely Polyxena (I'm reading it as Pollyanna) so distraught by this misfortune took herself to a Nunnery where she remained until her death. On hearing of this the Church made a new bell and it was brought to the island in 1534. Apparently all that ring the Bell will have their wishes granted as way of thanks to Polyxena. So, that means I'm hosting the Australian telecast of Eurovision 2010 in Oslo with Julia Zemero for SBS. Bad luck Sam Pang (you contributed NO Eurovision history to this years telecast).

On my return from the Island the rain had gotten worse (and I'm not sure that was possible) but on the advice of the waitress from a local cafe I walked up the road to Bled Castle. And it was worth it - but only for the views. The Castle itself has been over-processed (gift stores, vid rooms, cafes etc etc) and loses a lot of the mystique that it projects when you see it from the ground. Pity the day was so misty as the photo's did not do it justice.

Quick Tip 3: When it rains in Slovenia where water proof shoes.

Sodden and a bit grumpy (and quite a few Euro lighter) I hightailed it back to the Bus Station and the eventual safety (read: dry) of Ljubljana.

On the bus ride back to Ljubljana I got a little lost in my thoughts. As I'm reading Patrick Ness' awesome Young Adult Fiction debut The Knife of Never Letting Go, whose main character can hear the thoughts (Noise) of others including animals (his dog Manchee), I got to ponder - do Slovenian Ducks Speak in Slovene? And if they do and I could hear them would it be in Slovene or would I translate them internally (similar to the Companions in Dr Who who are granted the gift of language by the TARDIS). Or is this the just the hardcore cold I have sending me into dementia.

Eurovision Rating: All boy band in matching outfits singing a Euro-trash Dance song. Catchy but in-offensive tune. Qualifies for Final but does not make Top 15.

Tomorrow: Zagreb, Croatia.

Speaking Gibberish to a Gypsy

After another breathtaking train ride - this time from Munich to Ljubljana via Salzburg - where I was granted a gorgeous cloudless day allowing the Austrian Alps to twinkle in snow peaked glory. Furry cows, furry chickens, furry goats...it appears everyone and everything in Austria adopts a furry coat. The train ride was impressive - on time, not crowded and with very, very clean cabins. Go the DB.

On arrival into Ljubljana night had already fallen and, on advice from an individual at the train station, I decided to walk to my hotel. BAD MOVE. Half way through the 6km walk I had flashbacks to a time when I'd forced Mum and Dad to walk from the Banff train station to our hotel. Oh Well - it appears I'll never learn. Ankle was not happy post the walk - so it's now strapped tightly.

Undetered by the location of the hotel (although it is very comfortable) the next morning I trudged back into the heart of Ljubljana's Altstadt. And there's only one way to describe it. Stunning. Ljubljana has one of the most attractive and interesting Old Towns I've seen. Guarded by the massive Ljubljana Castle atop a small hill Ljubljana old town skirts around the base of the hill like children under their mother's skirt. The Old Town itself is heaving with interesting shops and cafes and contains a colourful fruit and flower market in one of the Trg's. It is here that you will find the fabuolous milk vending machine with fresh Moo Juice all day. Little knooks, hidden behind massive oak doors or gaurded by impressive wrought iron gates, contain interesting shops so it's worth taking time to amble Ljubljana's cobblestoned streets to ensure you don't miss things like the Honey Shop (dedicated to all things honey) or Gourmet Chocolate shop.

Tip #1: Buy a Ljubljana Card.

It's 12.50 Euro and gets you into all of the Mueseums and Art Galleries for free and allows you free bus fares around the city. Well worth it.

Jumping on the funicular to Ljubljana Castle is a must as the cities panorama is best viewed in ascent. I think my jaw may have dropped at one point. The Castle itself is a very orchestrated affair - renovated to within an inch of its life. Accessing the Viewing Tower also gets you a short 20 minute 3D movie history of Slovenia and Ljubljana, equip with English Headset and Professor Finkle glasses, before then allowing you to ascend the spiral staircase to the tower. The views here are breathtaking - just hope for a clear day.

On my way out of Ljubljana Castle and back to the funicular I had my first encounter with a Gypsy (said with a Borat accent).

Tip #2: Speak Gibberish to a Gypsy to Fool them

The evil gypsy, in the guise of a young woman with odd Hello Kitty clips in her hair, appeared from the wood calling for help. At first I ignored the calls of the evil one and continued to walk toward the safety of the Funicular. However, her calling was too strong and I turned briefly in her direction and she knew she had. Scuttling her over-clothed body along the gravel path she advanced in my direction. I stood silently looking at the evil before me and steeled myself for battle. She opened her mouth to speak and in broken English she began "Excuse me...I'm sorry...I have problem". Knowing of the tricks of the gypsy where their stories of woe extract Euro from your wallet I allowed her to prattle on about a "sickness" and a "train ride to Munich" and "how she is stuck in Ljubljana". It is then that it dawns upon me - I have not yet spoken to her and she thinks I'm an English speaker. It is then that I commence speaking to her in the lost language of Zeiherese, a very rare language that only myself and my sister Jennifer had spoken when we were children, and almost forgotten. Immediately the gypsy showed confusion and a weakness was revealed. I continued with my garbled gibberish language however being a strong gypsy she was undetered and attempted German with me. I continued with my ploy not allowing her words to penetrate my ears. Her third attempt to extract money from me commenced with hand gestures and it was with this I knew she was defeated. Using the universal hand gesture of "I don't know" I turned my back on her and strode toward the Funicular. The gypsy was defeated and vanquished back into the forest from which she had come. Although this trick has worked once with a gypsy I will not resolve to continue to use this as my only defence.

Tip #3: Tivoli Garden & Park is not a Park it's a WOOD and you need to be wearing hiking shoes if you're going to walk it (and allow yourself at least 2 hours to do the loop).

Eurovision Rating: Early judges favourite with a solid Euro-Pop outing with a catchy chorus from a single female. Not one but 2 key changes, costume reveal and scantily clad male backing dancers. Qualifies for Final. Top 5 finish.

Next Haltestellar: Bled, Slovenia.

Monday...it must be Munich.

My journey to Munich was fabulous. It started with a seamless trip on a DB ICE train from Frankfurt airport direct to Munich Hauptbahnhof. The journey was littered with pretty little towns each one dominated by an ornate Church with a ridiculously high steeple. It took me back to my Year 9 English Lit novel by William Golding The Spire. I understand the concept of towns with competing Churches now (sorry I did not get it in Year 9 Mrs Townsend).

However, on the arrival into Munich my seamless start quickly became unstitched as I was confronted by a town that was basically shut. As my cold had well and truly kicked in all I wanted was a Chemist or Supermarket to get some Aspirin. But this was too much to ask. Cue the snow. OK - back to the hotel for me where I then spent a night sweating out a feverish cold with hallucinatory dreams of me co-orindating a birthday concert for Beyonce including a 400 strong schyncronization of Single Ladies (thanks Glee). Not so much fun.






Undetered by the previous afternoon and evening I arose on Monday morning determine to shake the best out of Munich...and off I went at 8:30am ready to conquer the Bavarian capital. Mmmm - nothing opens until 10am. DOH! So to Coffee Fellows I go and bide my time until Munich decides to open.


And when it did well, you could not stop me. Marienplatz (tick), Odeonsplatz (tick), Frauenkirche (tick), Theatinerkirche (tick), English Gardens (tick), Surfer at the English Garden (tick -with bonus point), Hofbrauhaus (tick), Schloss Nymphenburg (tick), Viktualienmarkt (tick). Tick, tick, tick!




Top 5 Lessons if visiting Munich.


1. Don't expect ANYTHING to be open on a Sunday

...particularly a chemist (when you really, really need Nurofen as you have a killer cold).


2. Kaffee "to go"

...it's not take-away, take-out it's ALWAYS "to go".

3. Learn German

...then you know when people are being a bitch about you and you can turn around and retort to them - yes, I'm talking about you - the Lady on Tram 17 to Schloss Nymphenburg - I know what you called me.


4. Schloss Nymphenburg closes at 4pm on a Monday

...don't expect to get in if you arrive at 3:45pm. Doh!

5. Reserve a seat on the DB

..it's worth the extra 2 Euro - a family of four stood for the entire 3+ hour trip.


Eurovision status: Pretty all girl group that play a variety of traditional instruments. Costume change at 1 minute 43. Qualifies for final. Finishes outside the Top 20.

Next Stop: Ljubljana, Slovenia.

Which Wurst is Worst?

Firstly, profuse apologies this is really the first time I've had a chance to update this blog since arrive in Germany.

The Book Fair has been busy, amazing, inspirational and tiring all wrapped up into one and fortunately the entire Lonely Planet crew have been amazing. The stand was immaculate and incredibly well maintained (as per the pictures) by the brilliant staff - Tracey, Becky, Katherine, Jackie, Sarah and Neil. It's going to be sad to leave here tomorrow knowing I won't see them again for potentially another 18 months.

Top 5 things to do in Frankfurt.

1. Embrace the Wurst

Bratwurst, Weisswurst, Bockwurst, Frankfurter...whatever kind of sausage on offer indulge yourself in some traditional German fare. Make sure to top off your sausage selection with a hearty smattering of mustard or Sauerkraut. Don't fear the Wurst - but be aware that Blutwurst is really Black Pudding and you may need a solid stomach to deal with this offering.

2. Get Lost in the Museum of Modern Art

Tucked away not far from the massive St Bartholemuew, Frankfurt's Cathedral, is Frankfurt's Museum of Modern Art. This pizza-slice shaped building is 3 floors of craziness. As soon as you enter you could be mistaken for the fact that you were actually an extra on the Doctor Who episode Castrovalva. Forced to ascend and descend randomly located staircases that lead from room to room and floor to floor you'll sometimes find yourself at a dead end or in a massive exhibition. As a Jack Goldstein was the main exhibition in installation on my visit the soundtrack to my staircase adventure sounded oddly like the blings and pings from the horror film Suspiria. Well worth the 8 euro entry fee.

3. Dine at 3rd Orfeo's Erben

Located on Hamburgeralle this Movie Theatre and Restaurant hybrid is an excellent dining experience. Beautiful brushed concrete ceilings and walls add to the atmosphere but it's the contemporary cuisine that's a welcome relief from the hardcore traditional German fare on offer in many establishments. It's the first meal I managed to have in Frankfurt where the colour green was the dominant pigment on the plate. Their wine list is well tailored with seletcions from the Continent as well as Australia, New Zealand and South America.

4. Pussy's Galore

Donna R's 1001 cat boutique shop in Romer Mountain is a delight. Cat statues, pictures, trinkets, jewels and everything you can slap on a feline image is available from this store in the heart of Frankfurt. The disinterested prioriter adds to the experience.

5. Sprechen Deutsche

Be brave and speak some German - it's polite and you'll get some respect.

Overall Frankfurt is an interesting city, a weird combination of skyscrapers and cobblestone streets.

Eurovision rating: 1st Semi Final with a strange Rock Act with tight fitting costumes and a lead singer with a crazy haircut - Does Not Qualify

Tomorrow: Munich

Mmm - first post. I'm feeling a bit like a contestant in the first semi-final of Eurovision - a bit unusure yet all prepared hoping that the backing dancers hit their marks, the costume change comes off without any hitches and that the killer key change 2 minutes 15 seconds into the song creates a frenzied response from the audience. There's little left to do then it's lock the old suitcase and climb in the taxi...and then it's the 26 hour flight. Urgh!

Got my travel survival kit sorted - earplugs, mini neck pillow, eye mask, copious Kiehls and Biotherm samples, Tamazapan if I get really desperate for sleep (how 50's housewife of me), iPod travel mix (including some sleepy classics) and two, I'm assured, can't put down books (Charlie Higson's The Enemy and Patrick Ness's The Knife of Never Letting Go). And of course I have Lonely Planet guides to Slovenia & Western Balkans packed in the laptop case.

Next stop Frankfurt...