A Boy Scout in the Balkans

So my detour to the Balkans is coming to an end and as I sit here on my balcony sipping a final espresso and being distracted by the fabulous views of the harbour of Gruz, where boats quietly amble into port, I’m compelled to compile my list of the best travel experiences from this trip. One of the big things I’ve learnt is that Sept/ Oct is the best time to visit Dubrovnik as it’s the end of high season and you easily beat the summer crowds and still have access to all of the tours etc.

But first the stats:

Eurovision Countries visited – Germany, Slovenia, Croatia, Bosnia I Herzegovina, Montenegro.

Words that kept me occupied – Partick Ness’ The Knife of Never Letting Go, Charlie Higson’s The Enemy, Carlos Ruiz Zafon’s Shadow of the Wind and Erick Setiawan’s Of Bees and Mist.

Lonely Planet Guidebooks used - Lonely Planet Munich, Bavaria and the Black Forest, Lonely Planet Slovenia, Lonely Planet Western Balkans. Will be recommending that Western Balkan’s includes Slovenia in future guides (be having a word to Marg in the UK office).

Soundtrack - Little Boots, La Roux, Cascada, Duffy, Natalie Imbruglia, Marit Larsen + endless Eurovision mega mixes (big repeats of Iceland 09 Yohanna’s Is it True?, Ukraine 08 Ani Lorak’s Shady Lady, Switzerland 08 Paolo Meneguzzi’s Era Stupendo, Israel 09 Noa & Mira Awad’s There Must be Another Way, Estonia 09 Urban Symphony’s Randajad and Armenia 09 Kejsi Tola’s Carry Me in Your Dreams.

Top 5 Highlights

#1: Dubrovnik’s Old City, Croatia.

Whether it’s in the baking hot sun or under the cover of the cool clear night Dubrovnik’s Old City is something very special. This ancient Roman fortification is the most breathtaking sight and once on the walls and looking down into the labyrinth of olive and lime tree laden alley ways you realise that all the clichés are about this place are true.

#2: The Bay of Kotor, Montenegro.

Brilliant day trip from Dubrovnik made all the more special with a small tour provider. Highlights included the faded glory of the tiny town of Perast with its forbidden graveyard island, a step back in time to the Istrian glory of Kotor’s Old City and the climb to the top of city wall and the beautiful little island of Sveti Stefan.

#3: Ljubljana, Slovenia.

A gem of a city - a rejuvenated old town with square after square of shops and cafes matched only by the sprawling food and flower market at the base of the Ljubljana castle.

#4: Pocitelj, Bosnia I Herzegovina.

This Stone Town is a step back into the days of Ottoman glory. Gypsy women sell paper funnels of dried apricots and figs at the entrance to the town. The massive fort at the top of the town gives an incredible view of the towns Mosque from above.

# 5: Bled, Slovenia.

Gothic and glorious this town is special and it’s only 1hr 15min bus ride from Ljubljana. I will treasure that I was being the only traveller that rainy day to take the gondola across the lake to the tiny island to ring the Wishing Bell. Eurovision’s Australian telehost here I come! Watch out SBS.

Other unexpected highlights included the spectacular train ride through the Alps, the moving bus ride from Zagreb to Dubrovnik where you see first hand the devastation of the recent war, the staff at the Berkeley Hotel in Dubrovnik whose generosity still flaws me and leaping from the rocks on a beach on Lokrum Island into the cool Adriatic Sea.

Top 5 odd TV experiences

1. Germany’s Yes I Can Dance – fat and faded German celebrities doing Rock Eisteddfod style dance montage’s with viewers voting out the worst each week. Weird yet compelling.
2. CSI Miami in German – Horatio is scarier in German
3. CSI Miami in Slovenian – Horatio is even scarier in Slovenian
4. CSI Miami in Croatian – proves that Horatio is scary in any language
5. The Monk character in the multi-repeated Croatian Soap Opera – any show with a Monk as a character is OK by me.

Top 5 Frustrations

1. Schloss Nymphenburg, Munich closing at 4pm on weekdays….grrr
2. Munich being closed on a Sunday – particularly with no chemists in sight
3. Hotel Arcotel Allegra in Zagreb unable to accommodate breakfast prior to 6:30 due to a 7am departure
4. Gypsies – bloody annoying
5. Being left behind by tour operator for tour of Mostar, Bosnia I Herzegovina.

Would I come back?

Dubrovnik, Croatia – in an instant – there’s so much more to see here that I’ll need to do next time. The Hamptons of Croatia - Cavtat, Brac Island, Hvar Island, Elaphite Islands, Korcula Island, Trsteno Gardens, Mljet Island with its spooky Monastery, Split, The Istrian peninsula.

Slovenia – I’m disappointed I did not get to Piran and Ptuj but they’ll remain on my wish list.

Munich & Zagreb – probably not

The 8:15 to Zagreb

After an early start I bid farwell to Ljubljana and the lovely Slovenian people and boarded the 8:15 to Zagreb.

Hint #1: Ask if the cabin you're about to climb in is First Class (particularly if you have a 2nd class ticket). Doh!

Although the rain had abated the mist had transformed into a thick fog making the train journey somewhat ho-hum as the view was somewhat masked...damn you Mother Nature!

By 11am I'd arrived in Zagreb, Croatia - after a very strange border crossing where the Slovenian police decided that I looked dodgy and needed to have my passport check for outstanding interpol. 007 eat your heart out.

After a quick check in and early access to the room - thank you Hotel Acrotel Allegra - I hightailed it to the bus depot to purchase my fare to Dubrovnik. Ticket purchased and about to leave I encounter yet another GYPSY...bloody Nora! Another one? Apparently this one wanted money for an operation on her...colon? (was not sure where she was pointing). This gypsy was a sneaky one as she'd prepared a laminated print out in several languages to explain her plight. Mmmm - she obviously wasted some of that Doctor's fee on printing and laminating. So NO gypsy you will not have my Kuna.

Hint # 2: Dumb Australians confuse the Gypsies.

So I adopted my thickest Australian accent and say very loudly "Sorry love, I don't know what you want and I don't speak your language". She grips my hand rabbiting on about "operatzion" and I repeat "Sorry sweetie - not sure what you want - good luck...seeya". And off I stride out of the bus terminal - gypsy 2 vaniquished. She's probably dead poor luv - the laminating really did not help.

I quickly made my way into the city itself, as the weather was holding, and the reason for stopping in Zagreb (not only as a through-point to Dubrovnik) was to visit Mirogoj Cemetery (arguably the most beautiful Cemetery in all of Europe). After jumping on Bus 106 I arrived at the Wall that heralded the cemetery and had another jaw drop moment. This place is impossibly beautiful. It's a little bit broken, a little bit sad and slightly overgrown but stunning in it's simplicity. And it's weird - even though this is suppose to be a place of the dead I've never seen so much life - so many people tending the graves of their loved ones, people remembering, celebrating and including the dead in their lives. Truly an inspirational place. I hope some of my pictures do it justice.

Hint # 3: Bus 106 leaves from outside the main Cathedral next to the big Fruit market - not hard to miss.

Zagreb is an intersting city - a little bit grubby around the edges, especially when compared to the manicured Ljubljana, it's very unpretentious. Zagreb is take me or leave me "I don't care" whatever you want. It has areas of stunning beauty next to rubbled ruins and piles of trash. It's a city not hung up on aesthetics but one which definitely has a pulse.

As a treat I went into a local Zagreb barber who gave me very traditional head shave - clippers, shaving cream, big scary razor and some industrial strength after shave slapped all over. At times it was a little too close to Sweeney Todd for my liking. But what a hoot! I think they were laughing at me as much as I was at them...well that's Zagreb!

Eurovision Rating: Hardcore Rock Chick screaming an angsty, guitar heavy tune in thick Croatian. Wild costume, hair and some pyrotechnics see her qualify from the semi's (just). Finishes outside the Top 15.

Next Stop: Dubrovnik (after a 11 hour bus ride - eek!)

Speaking Gibberish to a Gypsy

After another breathtaking train ride - this time from Munich to Ljubljana via Salzburg - where I was granted a gorgeous cloudless day allowing the Austrian Alps to twinkle in snow peaked glory. Furry cows, furry chickens, furry goats...it appears everyone and everything in Austria adopts a furry coat. The train ride was impressive - on time, not crowded and with very, very clean cabins. Go the DB.

On arrival into Ljubljana night had already fallen and, on advice from an individual at the train station, I decided to walk to my hotel. BAD MOVE. Half way through the 6km walk I had flashbacks to a time when I'd forced Mum and Dad to walk from the Banff train station to our hotel. Oh Well - it appears I'll never learn. Ankle was not happy post the walk - so it's now strapped tightly.

Undetered by the location of the hotel (although it is very comfortable) the next morning I trudged back into the heart of Ljubljana's Altstadt. And there's only one way to describe it. Stunning. Ljubljana has one of the most attractive and interesting Old Towns I've seen. Guarded by the massive Ljubljana Castle atop a small hill Ljubljana old town skirts around the base of the hill like children under their mother's skirt. The Old Town itself is heaving with interesting shops and cafes and contains a colourful fruit and flower market in one of the Trg's. It is here that you will find the fabuolous milk vending machine with fresh Moo Juice all day. Little knooks, hidden behind massive oak doors or gaurded by impressive wrought iron gates, contain interesting shops so it's worth taking time to amble Ljubljana's cobblestoned streets to ensure you don't miss things like the Honey Shop (dedicated to all things honey) or Gourmet Chocolate shop.

Tip #1: Buy a Ljubljana Card.

It's 12.50 Euro and gets you into all of the Mueseums and Art Galleries for free and allows you free bus fares around the city. Well worth it.

Jumping on the funicular to Ljubljana Castle is a must as the cities panorama is best viewed in ascent. I think my jaw may have dropped at one point. The Castle itself is a very orchestrated affair - renovated to within an inch of its life. Accessing the Viewing Tower also gets you a short 20 minute 3D movie history of Slovenia and Ljubljana, equip with English Headset and Professor Finkle glasses, before then allowing you to ascend the spiral staircase to the tower. The views here are breathtaking - just hope for a clear day.

On my way out of Ljubljana Castle and back to the funicular I had my first encounter with a Gypsy (said with a Borat accent).

Tip #2: Speak Gibberish to a Gypsy to Fool them

The evil gypsy, in the guise of a young woman with odd Hello Kitty clips in her hair, appeared from the wood calling for help. At first I ignored the calls of the evil one and continued to walk toward the safety of the Funicular. However, her calling was too strong and I turned briefly in her direction and she knew she had. Scuttling her over-clothed body along the gravel path she advanced in my direction. I stood silently looking at the evil before me and steeled myself for battle. She opened her mouth to speak and in broken English she began "Excuse me...I'm sorry...I have problem". Knowing of the tricks of the gypsy where their stories of woe extract Euro from your wallet I allowed her to prattle on about a "sickness" and a "train ride to Munich" and "how she is stuck in Ljubljana". It is then that it dawns upon me - I have not yet spoken to her and she thinks I'm an English speaker. It is then that I commence speaking to her in the lost language of Zeiherese, a very rare language that only myself and my sister Jennifer had spoken when we were children, and almost forgotten. Immediately the gypsy showed confusion and a weakness was revealed. I continued with my garbled gibberish language however being a strong gypsy she was undetered and attempted German with me. I continued with my ploy not allowing her words to penetrate my ears. Her third attempt to extract money from me commenced with hand gestures and it was with this I knew she was defeated. Using the universal hand gesture of "I don't know" I turned my back on her and strode toward the Funicular. The gypsy was defeated and vanquished back into the forest from which she had come. Although this trick has worked once with a gypsy I will not resolve to continue to use this as my only defence.

Tip #3: Tivoli Garden & Park is not a Park it's a WOOD and you need to be wearing hiking shoes if you're going to walk it (and allow yourself at least 2 hours to do the loop).

Eurovision Rating: Early judges favourite with a solid Euro-Pop outing with a catchy chorus from a single female. Not one but 2 key changes, costume reveal and scantily clad male backing dancers. Qualifies for Final. Top 5 finish.

Next Haltestellar: Bled, Slovenia.